where are all the men?

But for real though, like, where are y’all?

Straight men suck. That’s already been established, and its also (just) my opinion. (My established opinion). They suck in the same way that white people suck though, and I’ve met a few white people who are least *trying* not to suck so bad. (Most of them are women..). These are the people who, along with other areas of our social lives that they see to be unjust, unfair, stupid, fucked up, like whaa-, are doing their best to somehow someway counteract some of the negativity that comes with being part of a (socially constructed) race of individuals who are given ridiculous amounts of privilege over people of other races just because, I don’t know, yolo? People who may or may not identify as anti-racist, people who spend part of their self-expression (in whatever way) advocating for others who they have no readily apparent reason to advocate for. People who -dare I say? – may even feel the pain that comes along racism and oppression, even when on the “right” side of it; people who cry with us (dare I be so hopeful).

A lot of these white people that I know are women, but some are men. Correction. One is male (and I appreciate you, homeboy!). Obviously I don’t know enough people. Still, what I’m wondering about today are not the white people who are out there getting involved with BLM, what I’m wondering about are the men who we as women can look to to be by our sides when shit (inevitably) goes unfairly for us, or even just annoying. Where are all the men who are like, unafraid? I have yet to ever be in a situation where a man has said something on behalf of gender equality unprompted. (Okay there was that one time my homeboy from above spoke out against domestic violence at our student senate meeting: props, nigga). But I can’t recall a situation, for example, where a joke was made or a judgment was made or a show was watched, all in the same thread of you-know-it-when-you-see/hear/experience-it straight up bullshit sexism, and a man said something, or did anything. I would remember something like that. I want to remember something like that!

There’s lots of men out there who actually probably have considered this stuff, even more who feel that it is unfair. But where are the ones who are pushed by their own sense of self-ascendancy to be unpopular and say things that they are not supposed to say (in the presence of other men might I add)? I see bravery all of the time in individuals who say fuck it and do their own thing, and so often this courage comes packaged in the bodies of those who are already thrown aside in some aspect or another. Oppression breeds courage in those that resist it, but that is a different post for a different day. I am trying to find what breeds courage in those that don’t need to be courageous because the whole arsenal of weapons is on their side. Like didn’t you guys all watch Star Wars? (The Force Awakens) What bred courage in stormtrooper homie Finn to say fuck this shit and gtfo out of the First Order? Whatever it was, I’m trying to hand this shit out in spades to all the male-identified individuals out there (shoutout to my queer boys though, because y’all be holding it down for a sista sometimes) so they may feel the courage to maybe say a fucking sentence next time some other stormtrooper dude is fucking shit up for the rest of us (read: women).

Star Wars analogies aside, really men should not be doing this for us (women) or for any primped up notion of their “future daughter” or whatever. Men should be doing it because it’s better. Take that how you choose, but white people who get over the whole “white” thing learn that this side, while we may be so much more oppressed (in the context of race), is a lot more fun. Upholding oppression requires denying humanity, and humanity, in all its tragedy and wonder, is actually a lot more fun than contrived connections with other humans based on some dumbass framework we are all supposed to follow (it is a lot more realistically terrible too).

Men should want to not fuck with sexism because it frees them. Love frees you, and how can love exist in the context of domination? Why settle for the bullshit that sexism has to offer you when you can experience your own humanity so much deeper than that – yeah you may not enjoy the “benefits” as much anymore (like you can’t abhor sexism and still consume female bodies in the same male-gaze-y way), but instead you can find true connection, true communion with another human being who is so different than you as to offer you a whole other way of understanding the world. Creativity is borne of communion between (within) oneself and others, and men are missing out on a whole world of potential within themselves and in the world when they only think the things, only agree with the things when they are said, only feel “bad” when something happens that isn’t right or fair. Be braver than that gentlemen! (Aren’t y’all supposed to be the brave ones anyway..) You are suffering differently from this system that sells you short by telling you that ownership and dominance are what are worth your humanity – there is so, so much more out there, but we need y’all to be brave.

Be a badass in a different way. Sure, its cool to be the strongest and the most clever and the one with all the bitches, but that shit ain’t revolutionary. Revolutionaries are the true cool people of the universe, and everybody knows that.


2 thoughts on “where are all the men?

  1. Got to give praise where its due to one of my best mates who is a straight white man who does call out sexism, racism, ableist speak.. and the best part of it all is that he’s a teacher in a posh school and regularly calls out the kids on those things as well. He’s a rare one and I’m glad he’s my friend! Love this post.


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