As the world continues to crash and burn, it can be challenging to weed through the myriad ways that all this chaos manifests itself in our own day-to-day lives, lives of those of us who have the time, space, and equipment available to even access this very blog post, to sit in our leisure and read the words of someone whose livelihood isn’t being violently ripped away from them… at least not directly.
But there are plenty of ways that my livelihood is being stolen from me although I don’t wake up to see homes smoldering around me. The most basic shit, the shit we should all be on our fucking knees with gratitude for having the ability to experience – even the most basic shit becomes so difficult amidst the fogginess and confusion of inhumanity. I should be sitting here feeling like the most fortunate motherfucker in the world for all of the things I have – yes, shelter, food, all of those things, but really love, Love, LOVE: love for people around me and the people I care deeply about, and reciprocation of that love. When love is what the world is most devoid of, I should be cherishing this shit like water droplets in the desert (which honestly it feels like it is); I should really be allowing myself to revel in the glory of love and then channeling that energy outwards to inject even just a little bit back into the world… I know that sounds like some Jesus shit but it’s true. Love > everything.
The part that gets difficult to admit and even infuriating, is that it isn’t easy for me either to let love flow through me like a channel, because I, too, am blocked in different areas from allowing myself to just give into it; I am blocked by fear, fear that comes from the knowledge of a lack of love and the deeeep cutting pain that comes from it. That knowledge, and that pain, prevent me from living my life as full as possible and letting love transform me into something more human; the only force really, that can transform our humanity in a world so dehumanizing and violent.
When we devalue any life anywhere then we are automatically devalued along with it, because we are no different from one another regardless if we are the ones sending the bombs written “From Paris, with love” or the ones whose children are receiving it; the forces of hate and dehumanization do not only exist in certain places – it’s just that it is easier to feel as though they don’t exist when we can be distracted with the so-called “luxuries of life…” But we’re no different. There is a reason why it is so hard for us to love ourselves as human beings when there is so much showing that humanity is not worthy (look at the fucking Bible ha!), and no amount of anything will make it easier until we start to truly value humanity wholly and understand our sameness with one another.
It is hard for me, someone who at many levels is on the side of violently desecrating the humanity of others through forced complicity, and at so many other levels having the same thing happen to myself, to love myself fully and therefore allow the power of love to transform my being. It is hard for me to believe that I am worthy as a human being because I am lack of examples of what that looks like. And how fucking stupid is that? I may be black and I may be other things but goddamn if I don’t have the time to sit here and ponder it, and that ENOUGH should make me feel driven with a feverishness to soak up all the love possible; to put what I know in my head into my heart because we don’t have TIME, we don’t have any time anymore to not be about love and only love and nothing else, I mean – look what is happening all around us!!!!
I can’t let my fear of not being worthy keep me from whole-heartedly running in the direction of love when I can sit at a vantage point that sees how fucking destructive the lack of it is. We all owe it to ourselves and our humanity, especially those of us who get to sit at this vantage point, to not spend any more time letting fear creep into the spaces that instead should be filled with love, it is the least that we can do (or the most?) to in any way resist the forces of oppression/destruction that are being wreaked with flourish across our precious universe
We DON’T HAVE ANY MORE TIME.
In fact, time ran out quite a bit ago, so we have to work extra hard to undo the accumulation of destruction, and fear. Do it for yourself, do it for others, do it for humanity… do it for Syria. Those little moments that scare us, the fear that prevents us from glowing with love, fight against them with every fiber of your being, because if not, we are just as dead as the rest.